“I’ve never met a piece of chocolate I didn’t like,” is one of my top mottos. Well that is almost true, almost, so I should clarify that motto. You see, one Christmas, a long time ago, I was busily scarfing down fistfuls of chocolate out of a box of Purdy’s when I inadvertently ended up shoving one in my mouth which had a piece of ginger in it. And even though I spit that puppy out faster than a wolverine would barf up a piece of celery I was so grossed out that even to this day I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it. Normally I am a huge fan of the Purdy’s factory, so huge in fact that I have spent bazillions of my own hard-earned money for their chocolate (which is probably the reason that I am not a wealthy person today). At first I thought that someone with a grudge against me had sneaked into my office and had defiled my chocolate, but then I read the little candy key and discovered that the Purdy’s people had put the ginger there themselves. On purpose! I want to know whose brilliant idea it was to stick real ginger into chocolate. I’ll tell you who, a sadist, that’s who.
After that incident I did an in-depth survey using a large group of people, which consisted of my mom, my best friend, and my husband. Two out of three agreed that ginger in chocolate was yucky. One of them said it was delicious but she doesn’t count because she also likes things like Brussels sprouts and beets. Out of the other two, one of them wouldn’t actually try it because he doesn’t care much for chocolate anyway. But to this day my best friend and I make gagging faces at each other whenever the topic comes up. So you see scientific proof that you should never put a piece of ginger inside chocolate. Do you hear that Purdy’s factory sadists?
Another of my mottos is, “Have Chainsaw, Will Travel.” Which also isn’t exactly true as it is really difficult to wander around with a chainsaw. I walked out to the back forty with mine the other day and even though it is a tiny, weeny little chainsaw my arms were sore before I even started cutting anything. So maybe my motto should be, “Have chainsaw, and something to carry it with, will travel.” Which is more accurate but not as succinct. And even though my scientific survey group consisted of only the hubby, he also agrees that it is far, far better to transport saws in a vehicle than to carry them around by hand. And if anyone is an expert at carrying stuff, he is.
And finally the last of my top mottos is, “I’ve Never Read About an Apocalypse I Couldn’t get Behind.” Except for the Zombie apocalypse of course; Zombies are too creepy. Plus I’m not a big fan of running away from those flesh eating types because of the extra flesh I happen to be carrying around these days. Maybe consuming all those boxes of chocolates over the years wasn’t such a good idea. I wonder if you threw ginger-covered chocolates at Zombies it would buy you enough time to fire up your chainsaw?
Seeing as it is a new year and everything and I have such a tough time sticking to any of my top mottos maybe I shouldn’t have a motto. Or maybe I should have a motto like, “I am one of the Mottoless Matriarchs.” Hmm, in retrospect that isn’t a great motto but Mottoless Matriarchs would be an awesome name for a rock band.
Image Credit
Gab Halaasz – All rights reserved
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I could not agree more! Ginger is disgusting (excluding Gingerale of course) and I can not imagine fusing the deliciousness of Purdy’s chocolate with that horrible rhizome of the plant Zingiber officinale. Yuk!
I was once lucky enough to be chosen to tour the inside of the Purdy’s chocolate factory at a young age. Let me tell you that it was not the magical “Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory” experience that I was hoping for 🙁
Probably the best and only possible way you can make ginger chocolates, zombies, mottos and chainsaws into a plausible story.