I’m pretty sure that I don’t hear about most of the hottest controversies regarding the latest melt down of celebrities because a) I don’t have TV, b) I’m not thirteen, and c) I was born with this genetic disorder that manifests itself with symptoms such as “not giving a rat’s ass.” This condition renders me oblivious to newsworthy events such as when Brittany Van Hilton breaks a nail during a red carpet event she is so upset she has to drink shots of tequila until her clothes magically disappear, or when Lindsay Bynes-Beiberfest is snorting coke and realizes that his hands are too big for his wrists, so he tries to make them smaller by hitting his assistant repeatedly with a phone. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a cure for what ails me, but I’m okay with it. Of course that just may be my condition talking.
The other day I was shown a YouTube clip of a young girl prancing about on a stage and singing, and for some inexplicable reason, acting as if she was on a porn set. Thus my introduction to Miley Cyrus.
“Did you hear about Miley Cyrus?” I was asked.
“Who?” I replied.
“You know, Hannah Montana.”
“Who’s Hannah Montana?” I asked. That’s when I got a quick education about who, and what, a Miley Cyrus was.
After watching the clip I didn’t think too much of the episode because the way things seem to be going today if you are a young celebrity you have to have some kind of shock value to catch the public’s eye, or horror of horrors, you will soon fade into the background. But don’t tell that to superstars like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie because they might stop spending their time trying to help people with their countless hours of humanitarian work and take up crack.
Because of that clip, while surfing news sites I took note of some of the articles written up about this scandalous event. I was actually laughing out loud at some of the comments from people who seemed to be getting frothy at the mouth about it, until I realized that they were serious. “The only people who should be getting frothy at the mouth about this girl,” I thought, “are her parents.”
Anyway I had another look at the clip and did a little bit of reading on the subject. She turns out to be the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, a minor celebrity who sings bad country and western songs. (Are there good C&W songs?) She became famous for portraying a Disney Channel lead, Hannah Montana, who is a celebrity but has an alter ego like Clark Kent. Apparently it shot her to fame. I seemed to have missed the whole thing, because as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not thirteen.
As I read these articles it became apparent to me that this particular episode was orchestrated by her marketing team to do a couple of things: one, to show that she is no longer a kid, and two, to thrust her back into the spotlight. Wha..?
Wow, I’m thankful that all I had to do was get a job and become a productive member of society for people to consider me a grown up. And since when has it become the epitome of maturity to pretend to have fellatio and pleasure yourself with a foam finger in front of millions of viewers? And while I’m on the subject, WTF is wrong with that guy who was on stage with her? You would think that a thirty-some -year-old guy would be embarrassed to be acting out a porn scene with some kid, that is unless you happen to be Allan Thicke’s son and desperate for attention.
If this is what is considered haute nouveau in the entertainment business these days I am more than happy to allow my “give a shit” genes to pass on it. In the meantime someone please tell the Cyrus clan that there has to be better marketing people out there so that Miley can go put some clothes on, and the Thicke family that becoming famous shouldn’t have to involve having pretend sex with a kid who just got her braces off.
Image Credit
“Bad Girl” by Zero_666. Creative Commons Flickr. Some rights reserved.
Recent Gab Halasz Articles:
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Like you and Colleen I too gave up TV long ago when reality shows started giving dating tips to teens. Good article.
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Well that was refreshing! Keep up the scribblings, and did you say something about reality t.v. shows? Id love to read your thoughts on that!
Agreed . How sick is society that this has become the norm? And agreed. How did her parents let it get this bad…….unfortunately it’ s a little too late for them to tell her what to do now.
Enjoyed the article.
Thanks Colleen, I’m glad you like my scribblings. I’ve read a few articles about the next generation of celebrity wannabes before writing this and I fear for the human race if that is what is considered entertainment these days. And don’t even get me started on reality TV! Yikes.
Gab… you are not alone, I also stopped watching TV about 12 years ago. I have no idea who most of these celebrity people are I thought Miley Cyrus was the name of some heavy metal band and Hannah Montana had something to do with the Flintstones. Apparently we haven’t missed much.
I do enjoy reading, and you are on the top of my list 🙂