Is it possible that violent games are good for boys? Hidden in the popularity of superheroes and the obsessive and repetitive nature of boys’ violent play is the key to understanding their development.
It’s late at night, past my 13-year-old boy’s bedtime, and once again we’ve forgotten him at the computer. He’s sitting in a corner, staring at the screen. The flickering light is playing off his face and making his skin look pale. I’m kicking myself. He’s been playing for hours. It’s time he got some sleep.
Author's son playing video games © Darcy Rhyno
“What are you doing!” I yell so he can hear me over the gunfire and explosions booming from his earbuds.
“Killing aliens.”
“Okay. Well, it’s time for bed. You’ve got school in the morning.”
He groans, but shuts down the computer and lurches off to bed… well, not before brushing his teeth, hugging us goodnight and collecting his cat.
I really am more concerned about the effects of sleep deprivation on my skinny, loping teenager than about the effects of violent video games. Some argue that watching and playing such games desensitizes kids and makes them more prone to real violence. But the cause and effect argument that draws a straight line between boys’ play and real world violence is one I’ve always rejected. In fact, I’ve come to the point where I’d actually recommend violent play for boys as a crucial part of their development. Here’s why.
First of all, play violence is simply not real violence. Whether a boy is running aliens through with light sabers or gunning down enemy soldiers or slicing the arms off pirates, it’s all pretend. And whether he’s tearing around with friends or exercising his thumbs in front of a Playstation or an Xbox or just toying with Lego figures alone in his room, he’s literally not hurting anyone. Anyone who’s seen boys on a school playground in a game that includes violence stop the game when one of them is accidentally hurt has witnessed the dual personality most boys exhibit, the one that plays at violence and the one that takes real violence seriously.
So, if the violence in boy’s play isn’t some sort of training ground for real violence, what is it? Why are so many boys so fascinated with depictions of violence for so long? I believe the answer is that boys are engaged in fantasy. Theyre deeply involved in storytelling and story making. They’re exercising their symbolic imaginations, not to learn how to become violent, but in fact to learn how to become caring, protective and peaceful men.
Think of almost any superhero – Superman, Spiderman, Batman. These are the enduring heroes popular with boys because, simply put, they use their powers to battle villains. It’s an obvious point that leads to a fundamental understanding about boys – they crave stability. In stories of superheroes and villains the world is easily understood. It’s a world polarized into good and evil. Good invariably triumphs. Superheroes use their hyper masculinity – their super powers and bulging muscles and weapons – to fight those elements that threaten peaceful society.
In their imaginations, boys struggle with the superhero paradox, that they must use violence to preserve peace. And because they must use violence, superheroes battle outside the law. They live as outcasts and loners, forever under suspicion by a skeptical public and endlessly hounded by inept police.
Author's son dressed as Robin Hood for Halloween © Darcy Rhyno
In the popularity of the superhero we see the anxieties of boys being played out as they imagine in symbolic, extreme black and white terms what it means to become a man. To take on power and wield it responsibly. To become the caretaker and protector of peaceful society, battling alone against those powerful and unpredictable forces that threaten it.
When he was still in diapers, my boy would pick up a Crayon or a stick or just point his finger, close one eye and take aim, calling out the sound that for him was the sound of all weapons, “Pume, pume!” He’d trundle down the stairs draped in weaponry, waving a sword I’d made him and warning guests, “Pare to meet your doom!” He’d dress up for Halloween as one of the earliest superheroes, the outlaw Robin Hood.
Today as a teenager – via the graphic magic of video games – he plays soldier, violently defending all that’s considered worth protecting or some freelance peacekeeping agent, deftly defending Earth against the aliens. He’s acquired an encyclopedic knowledge of weaponry and superhuman powers, both real and imaginary. He kills and dies, kills and dies over and over again.
Through violent play, he’s revealing deep seated anxieties about the nature of adulthood. He takes the weight of the world on his shoulders and he does it alone. It’s up to him to save us against those forces that threaten our stable world. He’s learning through symbolic play what it’s like to take on the responsibilities of manhood and to do it with confidence. Violent play is a right of passage.
What concerns us now is that he pursues other interests – and he does. He acts in plays, takes piano and photography lessons and loves to cook. Well, and he needs a little more sunshine and exercise. This is a gentle, caring human being who, from a very early age – perhaps always – understood that play violence and real violence are fundamentally different. No one taught him this. There was no cathartic experience. He simply knew.
I have no doubt whatsoever that he’ll move through these developmental stages in which a black and white world is easy to understand. He’ll grow into a man who will leave behind the simplistic solutions of an imaginary world populated by superheroes and super villains to tackle the complexities and contradictions of adult life. He’ll value those peaceful qualities we try our best to put to work in our own family – negotiation over action, empathy over condemnation, discussion over punishment. Because we fail sometimes and try harder next time only reinforces their importance.
Photo Credits
Author’s son playing video games © Darcy Rhyno
Author’s son dressed as Robin Hood for Halloween © Darcy Rhyno
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But good article Darcy-poo.
Violent games are still bad though, especially the younger you are. Go play Grand Theft Auto and tell me if that is a right of what-cha-ma-callit, then find the game that reenacts columbine and one in which you are a Nazi during the Holocaust. It’s not natural… Too watch is one thing, to do is another.
Thank you for this well written post, it does give me food for thought, and reminded to look for the balance in my warrior Lego prince…he is in his world defending those things which are peaceful, loving and beautiful. That’s a pretty good start!