Mr. Perfect, My Gut and Why Online Dating Isn’t Just For Ladies With Bad Perms

I never thought I’d be the online dating type.

The online dating type, to me at least, being that 45-year-old woman with a really bad perm, a crap load of cats and a weakness for soaps who sighed into her coffee every morning wondering what exactly it was about her that kept men away.

I did not fall anywhere near this category of woman; which is why, at 24 years old, I was more than a little ashamed to find myself signing up for Match.com (for the second time) a few months ago.

If it’s one thing I realized about myself when it comes to guys, it’s that somewhere along the way, I’ve become picky. All it took was one look at a guy’s profile picture for me to know if there’d be any spark whatsoever. Most of the time, I x’d a guy out more than I checked him out. And I began to accept that online dating was making me feel more hopeless than before.

Until one day, when a decent looking guy messaged me. His name was Matt*, he lived nearby, had a solid job and seemed nice enough. I replied, and a friendly conversation ensued.

I decided to accept his invitation to play pool with him, despite the fact that my definition of “scratching” meant literally scratching the table every. Single. Time. I figured that if he was okay with my awful skills, then he was worth hanging out with.

Matt was on time (point!), tall (major point!), better looking than his picture conveyed (zing!) and Jewish (bonus!). It was the perfect first date: relaxed, stress-free and included a glass of wine (for me) and a beer (for him). I drove away with serious hopes that I’d hear from him again.

And three days later, I did. I met him at his place the following week, where he made me dinner. I invited him over to see my brand new place a few days later and he came over with a bottle of Chianti. After nonchalantly discussing our favorite movies one night, he showed up with the one I had mentioned, saying that he knew I didn’t have any in my new place yet. Do you see where I’m going with this? This was a real gentleman, and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself, especially when he opened doors for me and told me I looked gorgeous every time he saw me.

Now, here’s a little something about me: I’m not all that traditional. Sure, I think a guy should absolutely pay on the first date, but I also think a girl should offer on the second. Matt was a traditional dater through and through, and perhaps that’s because he had spent the majority of his teenage and young adult life being in relationships.

I started to really like Matt, and was pleasantly surprised when all my neurotic female tendencies (worrying he wouldn’t call, worrying he wasn’t that into me…just plain worrying, okay?) began to dissipate. With Matt, I had no reason to worry; I knew that he’d call, I knew that he’d plan something great the next time we saw each other and I knew that he’d treat me like gold when we did. There were no doubts, no question marks, nothing.

But like everybody who dates one person continuously, I learned more about Matt. And as much as I enjoyed being around him and the way he treated me, I felt in my gut that while he was definitely somebody’s Mr. Right, perhaps he wasn’t mine.

I know, I know. Am I an idiot? At first, that’s exactly what I thought. All I had been wanting the past few years was a guy just like Matt. A wonderful, handsome gentleman of a guy who treats me the way I deserve to be treated, who calls when he says he will, who is of the belief that chivalry is not dead.

But here’s the thing about guts and their feelings: they do not like to be ignored. And all I did was ignore my gut. Because if ever there was a time when I wished I could force a feeling, it was here and now, with Matt. And the feeling I knew I should be feeling? Just wasn’t there.

So, why did I write this story? Well, a few reasons.

1. I was wrong. Online dating is worth a shot.

2. There are amazing single guys out there after all. Don’t get all pessimistic…yet.

3. Always, always go with your gut.

Lessons learned.

*Name has been changed to protect the innocent (and wonderful).

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