Our mentor has left us. Vincenzo Rudolfo Pooparetti, dog-father of the Belgian Mafia, has shuffled off this mortal coil. Elvis has left the building. That small brown dog who became such an important part of our lives has passed away.
Saying goodbye to a dog is always hard. And it’s always different. Many years ago our Tristan, who had come to us from my wife’s family, trotted up to me one evening on our walk, gazed up briefly and fell to the ground where he died of heart failure. Skybear, our collie, suffered a slow decline in his later years and when he told us he could no longer carry on, we called our kind vet who came to the house to help us say goodbye to an old friend.
Badger, our first Belgian Shepherd, was enthusiastic about everything. Barking and jumping and bringing chaos and joy into our lives until that last cold winter day when, after seemingly ignoring the cancer in him for six months, he told us it was his time to go.
Mario, our sweet baby boy of three years left us so quickly and unexpectedly just a year ago. Falling down in our back yard of a seizure related to heart problems, he died in my wife’s loving arms, howling as if he too knew that it was far too soon to say goodbye.
And now, our Vince has gone too. He had a personality bigger than some people I’ve known. He was stubborn. He was loyal. He knew his own mind. He didn’t compromise; he negotiated. And he taught me more about dogs than I would have learned in a lifetime without him around. He was my teacher, my task master, and my friend. And I will miss him very much.
I think each dog brings something different into our lives. They share our time and our stories with us. We mark moments in our lives by the activities we do with them. The first time we took Badger to the dog park, the first time Mario went swimming, the night Vince found our neighbors’ lost dog in the pitch dark. These are all moments in our lives that are defined by our wonderful canine companions.
It seems it’s never the right time to say goodbye. They are with us for so short a time. It seems the longer they are with us, the deeper they burrow into our hearts. It can be hard to find closure or the right way to say goodbye to our dogs.
With some like our Tristan and Mario, there is no time to think. There is simply no warning. They are with us one moment, just as they ever were, and the next they have gone leaving a hole in our lives. It’s almost like a wound that needs time to close as it seems our beautiful friend has been ripped from us so suddenly. With a young dog like Mario, there is something else to be mourned — all of the time and adventures unlived and unfulfilled.
With other dogs like Skybear and Badger, it was a matter of taking care of our friends. We knew their health was failing and it was up to us to choose the moment when they should leave us. It can be hard to know when the right time is with an ailing pet because our attachment to them can cloud our judgment. We so want them to stay with us, even for one more day. But we must put their welfare and quality of life first.
And sometimes, as with our Vince, we have to take the personality of the dog into account. Vince was a vibrant and intense dog who threw himself into everything he did. He wasn’t one to be cuddled and fussed over although he liked our attentions and frequently came over for a pet. He was a proud and independent dog but he was never far from us, particularly my wife.
So, last week, when we were told that our vet had discovered an inoperable tumor it was up to us to decide what to do. There were, of course, options for treatment but they had to be weighed carefully. Particularly against the backdrop of who Vince was. Vince was 10 years old with a bum elbow and a bad neck from years of recklessly chasing his ball, but he was still proud and vibrant. He still dashed madly with all he had after that ball and no one ever got the better of Vince.
When we were told that Vince’s liver was beginning to fail, we knew that we could not put him through a treatment regime that would require him to live his life at anything less than full speed. That would kill him sooner than the cancer would. Knowing who Vince was, we decided to let him die with dignity the best way we knew how.
On a bright sunny morning, my wife and her cousin took our Vince down to the ocean one last time. He loved to chase his ball out into the water and swim back. And so they played, one last time, in the sand and the surf. And when that was done, they made that last trip to the vet where Vince quietly slipped away with the ocean in his fur with sand between his toes and his beloved ball close by.
Is there a right way to say goodbye to a dog? I don’t know. But that came pretty damn close, in my opinion. We were lucky to have known Vince and I feel fortunate that we could say goodbye to him in the way we did. But I don’t think there is a wrong way to say goodbye either.
Our dogs depend on us — for everything. Their food and water and access to exercise and all of things that make life worth living come from us. I think the measure of a dog’s life is not in the manner of their passing but in the days lived right up to that moment. They say, “Live each day as if it is your last.” Isn’t that also true with our dogs? Each day could be their last. And so we care for them and cherish them, each in our own way. Our dogs love us for the life we give them and not for the way we say goodbye. We need to remember that.
Nothing but time, the great healer of sadness, can take away the pain of losing a beloved dog. The important thing for me is to smile and laugh and remember the best moments with my friend Vince between the tears. He will live on in me and because of all that he taught me about dogs, he will live on in every dog that I ever train. I am a better dog trainer and I am a better person for having known Vince.
All of our dogs stay with us in different ways. We tell their stories, we use the wisdom they have given us. They leave us with gifts too numerous to count. And, in the end, they leave their paw prints on our hearts forever.
Vince
June 2, 2000 – June 11, 2010
Goodbye my friend, I will miss your smile.
Photo Credits
Photos of Vince © Eric Brad
Racquel says
I’ll always remember the day I met Vinnie… Tira came bounding into the room jumped up on the bed and licked my face, Vinnie came up to me and leaned against me. And everytime I walked in the house the rest of that visit he would come right to me, a big smile on his face and just wanted to be loved. He won my heart that first day and will always have a piece of it. Thank you, Eric, for a beautiful tribute to your wonderful boy, I’m so happy that I had the opportunity to meet him and share some precious moments with him.
Lori says
Hugs to you too Eric.
Vinnie was everything you said and more. What a guy! Reading your tribute brings back memories of Team Terv (Vinnie and cousin Jager) in their agility haydays 🙂 Brings tears to my eyes to think they are both gone.
Lori xo
mz daizy says
what a beautiful, heartfelt tribute… <3
Sandra says
Nicely said, Eric.
Sherry says
I had to read it again Eric. You have done a wonderful job on this article, as always. I wish I could remember Vince but this article brings him to life. I hope somewhere he and my Trixie are chasing balls together, for her the small multicolored cat balls she loved and for him HIS ball. I miss you guys terribly! Petra, I got more mangoes yesterday. Eric, I will NOT shut up! Love yas!
Lydia Wingate says
Oh Eric, What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful boy,and so well written. Like everyone else I was crying by the time I had read the first few lines!! Petra, I admire the courage it must have taken to take VInce to the park to play with his beloved ball and then to the lake to swim that one last time.
I will truly miss his wonderful smile. I think he will be greatly missed by everyone who knew him.
Sending love and hugs
Petra says
Thank you all for your wonderful, heartfelt comments. It’s been so hard to lose both boys in less than a year but I know for Vinnie, he’s not in pain anymore. That’s one of our most important jobs as stewards of these beloved beings… I don’t take that lightly.
Godspeed my heart dog. The house is so empty without your smile and your big presence…
Amy P. says
Eric, that was so beautiful. Perfectly said and a fine tribute to your Vinnie. I’m so sorry for your loss, especially so soon after Mario. I’m also sorry that I never got to meet them.
Much love to my brother, and to Petra, as well. I miss you guys already.
Amy
Jan Vidar Pedersen says
I have lost dogs too, and I found a poem, that helped me understand:
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And the pain should keep my eyes from sleep,
Then will you do what must be done, for this – the last battle – can’t be won
You will be sad I understand, but don’t let grief then stay your hand,
for on this day, more than the rest, your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years, you wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where my needs they’ll tend, only, stay with me ’till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail it’s last has waved, from pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you who has to decide this ting to do
We’ve been so close – we two – these years, don’t let your heart hold any tears.
— by Julia Napier, copyright 1999
Karen K says
Very beautifully written Eric, thank you for that! xox
Tanya says
Eric, you have written a wonderful tribute to an incredible dog. He was a teacher and a student. I am honored to be a part of the immense legacy that Vince has left behind. I was honored to have been smiled upon by Vinnie and I will miss that every time I walk in your front door.
Your article will also be a comfort to many when facing the end of our dogs’ lives…a reminder that we are to be here for them when they need us.
Thank you.
Love,
T
Eric Brad says
I want to thank each of you for your kind words and warm wished during this difficult time. Each puppy we bring into our lives brings that unique ending moment with them. And at the end, it’s hard to see anything beyond that ONE HORRIBLE MOMENT. But there are tens of thousands of moments, filled with joy and frustration and laughter and learning and love. Always love. There really is nothing quite like the soul of a dog. I don’t think it’s coincidence that Dog is god spelled backwards.
Thank you all for your kindness, understanding, and love. Hug your dogs.
Eric
Alecia says
As always, Eric, your words hit the heart of the topic. We will miss Vince, as we miss Mario, Lady, and all the others that have touched our lives, our hearts, and our souls. Our love to you, Petra, and Vince’s sister, Tira.
Charissa says
I am so sorry to hear about Vince…I know how hard and painful it is to lose our pups. They’re our children, our best friends, our family. Your article was beautiful and brought streams of tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to you and Petra at this difficult time. Remember his smile.
Amy Nielsen says
To All who Loves dogs
I just read the artikel. I just resently said good bye to first belgier Ate, my first dog to breed puppies. She became 12 1/2 yars. It so sad and reading the store op above makes me sad but also glad. Its right I always remember the good times and the joy and love she gave me. I love my dogs and I always think of them first and they shall not stay just for me Ill respekt them much
Ours sencirly Amy
Joanie-Leigh says
Eric and Petra
I am so sad to hear of Vince’s passing. I know the heartache you both feel is, at times, must be unbearable – but reading this made apparent the joy he brought you and love of such a handsome fellow that can’t be replaced. Good bye you beautiful boy. You were loved.
jl
Denise says
That was beautifully written. I started sniffle when I read the title and was sobbing by the end.
What would we do without dogs? Live would be bland rather than filled with love, laughter and
many, many memories.
Karyn says
What a gift you gave Vinnie… letting him go with joy instead of being in misery. It is the hardest thing we do and yet the most important responsibility we have, letting them go with dignity and kindness.
I have had a large number of dogs over the years as I have always had a dog in my life, even took one to college with me, and it never gets easier but as you say, with time, more happiness from the memory of those great souls come then the tears at the sorrow of our loss.
I didn’t know Vinnie but do have a 1/2 brother I co-own, and knew his mother AND his sire both and some of his siblings. He was a fortunate dog to have ended up with a family that understood him and you were a fortunate family to have learned his lessons.
Karmen says
Where is the tissue? What a truly beautiful tribute to Vince and all friends lost.
Natalie says
Thank you Eric for sharing the beautiful tribute to Vince. You are right…..they all teach us and we are better for having known their individual souls. hugs to you and your lovely wife.
Claudine says
That was beautiful.
Cindy Bazin says
Thank you for sharing.. I too have lost a number of Belgians over the years, there is no one way of doing the right thing each dog is unique and special. My condolences on your loss.
Kim says
My heart goes out to both of you. Vince was an awesome dog and will be remembered. The article was well written as always. It touched me deeply. I love you both!
Kathy says
Beautifully written and it brought me to tears. I was honored to meet Vince and see that smile firsthand.
Patty says
Such a beautiful tribute to a very special dog. Thank you for letting me get to know your Vince better. He sounds like a special boy. Godspeed Vince.
colleen says
Eric, Thank you for sharing….I shed my tears for Petra and you…and myself included.
Until one feels the loss of the wonderful gift we call Dog… it is truly hard to understand.
Lots of Love
Collie
Sarah McManaman says
By the end of this I was bawling my eyes out.
I can honestly say if one of my dogs die .. I dont know what I’Il do.
I have yet to deal with a death of a dog in my family. It is a dreaded day.
I can’t imagine waking up one morning and not having my guy there with me.
Nancy Hawkes says
Thank you Eric what beautiful writing you have. I to said good bye to my handsome Black Belgian Boy Baudouin ( Bo Dean ) he had his 11th birthday on March 22nd 2010. He had great adventures through out his very busy life right up to 7 days before he passed. In those last 7 days Baudouin wanted to lay in his favorite places and watch his family, he was never alone night or day. I was shock to find out he had liver cancer with also his stomach full of it. Baudouin never showed any signs of cancer until a few weeks before he passed. Baudouin passed on June 17th 2010 in my arms one of his favorite places, mine to. Thank you for your heart filled lifting article your writing has given me some comfort. As my heart aches to see Baudouin, hear his beautiful bark and spend many more days with Baudouin. I love to say his name. I feel like forever would not be enough time. I to have learned so much from him as well as he helped in many ways through out our shared lives. One of them helping with the training of his team mate Willy my 5 year old minature Dachshund, as much as Willy is Willy. I continue to see Baudouin in Willy. A Dachshund whom thinks he is a belgian. Baudouin loved to run so very fast and bark at the same time I always felt that he was expressing how very happy he was it filled my heart with glee. Baudouin was so very happy it was my pleasure to be apart of his life. Yes then their was his smile he to loved to smile.I do wish he never had to go. Thank you for all your stories about your selves with your oh so treasured dogs. Many blessings Eric.