When my oldest son entered kindergarten, strangers could understand only 15-25% of his speech. He had already been in speech therapy upwards of three times a week for several years. He was diagnosed with Apraxia when he was three years old.
We enrolled him in a small parent-led private school in the hopes that the small class sizes and parent participation would help him thrive. And thrive he did, socially. He was one of the most popular boys in school. Adored by kids older and younger than him. He was the boy other children looked for to play with on the playground.
Over the years his speech improved enough that at nine years old he stopped doing speech therapy. His Apraxia began causing other problems for him and he was falling behind academically at a rapid pace, remaining at a kindergarten/grade one reading and writing level. He began to withdraw academically out of shame and fear of being different.
Desperate to find help for him, we approached teachers and administrators asking for extra support for him. There was none to be found because Apraxia was not a “funded” disability. He needed to have psycho-educational testing done so that other core problems could be pinpointed. The problem was that we had to pay out of pocket a $2500 assessment that could, potentially, give us nothing in return.
We made the decision to enroll him in public school so that he could get the testing done through the school district by their psychiatrist. Initially we were told it would be a 12-month wait for the testing, but after a few weeks in school he was bumped to the top of the list and given the testing a few weeks later.
The results were upsetting and encouraging at the same time. Out of the four major areas of focus, he scored as “gifted” in three and profoundly delayed in the fourth. He was given an official “learning disability” designation and given extra support in and out of the classroom and an “Individual Education Plan” that would follow him throughout his schooling. He had a “red” folder. All the other kids have blue ones.
He has been in this special program for almost two years now and has improved his reading and writing comprehension up to almost a grade three level. Socially he is still the king of the playground. In the classroom he is still very withdrawn and secretive. He doesn’t like other kids to see his work and his obvious struggle with reading and writing. I have worried about him so much. Wondered what will become of him in middle school and high school.
Will he persevere and stand among his peers at graduation? Or will he give in to his insecurity and give up? What will his future hold and how important is his education, really, to his future success?
I have been told the goal is to just “get him through.” At times I accept this. I accept that this is going to be very difficult for him and getting him to graduation will be a huge achievement. But, sometimes I want more for my little boy. I want him to be like all the other kids. To learn to read with confidence, to be proud of himself. I want him to have all the future possibilities my other kids have.
And there is nothing I can do about it. I can support him. I can push him just enough, but not so much it discourages him. I can congratulate his successes and cry with him when he fails or is too frustrated. I can tell him all about the brilliant parts of him and help him bring those out to shine. I can celebrate whatever it is that his life becomes.
Photo Credit
“Boys Toys” dawnzy 58 @ flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Obviously language and communication is something that you value, as is evident by your beautiful ability to write, and your ability to communicate through your writing.
I wonder if your son’s challenges with reading and writing are more important to you than they are to him?
Something that stood out for me in this article was that you wrote was: ” I want him to be like all the other kids. To learn to read with confidence” which tells me that you associate reading and language with confidence. Then you also said: “Socially he is still the king of the playground”…
From this statement, I can derive that he IS confident- socially.
His language skills may be a challenge, however- if he is popular that must mean that he is bright and capable and strong in other areas; perhaps out of his intrinsic personality, and perhaps as a way to compensate (like in the way that blind people have an exceptional sense of hearing). From this I also gather that the other kids like him, regardless of these challenges.
It’s my personal belief that life is not about test scores, it’s about the relationships we build and foster. If your son is able to develop social skills despite of (and perhaps BECAUSE of ) his learning challenges, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.
Whatever happens, it sounds like you have an exceptional and popular boy that you love and are proud of.
Try not to worry too much, kids pick up on the worry of their mother, much more than they pick up on whether or not they’re doing okay in their classes!