How long can you be in pain?
How long…
Recently, very recently, I have decided that it is finally time to let go of the pain I have been carrying around for 30 months. It is time to forgive, to forget, to let go, to move on.
To forgive. To forgive myself for not being
the best wife, partner, I could have been. To forgive myself for reacting to a marriage in rapid decline by looking for love elsewhere. To forgive myself for giving up on love and a whole family unit.
To forget how difficult this breaking up has been. Instead, I will remember the great love we once had. The passion with which we came together.
To let go. I will let go of him now. I will let him move on, find new life, love and joy. I will not be jealous. I will be happy for him as he moves on. I will celebrate with him this new life we are embarking on.
To move on. I too will move on. I will give up any hope I have held onto that that our marriage will ever work again. I will package it up in a pretty box, with a string of yarn for a ribbon and put it in my chest of memories.
I don’t know how long you can be in pain. I know that I have been for long enough. A self-imposed exile from the world around me. I have sat in this room long enough, hid myself away, lowered my head when I see people, spent enough days in silence. Suddenly years have passed and just now I opened my eyes. I realized this world still has lots left to offer me. And I to it.
Photo Credit
“Frosted Daisy” Maschinenraum @ flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
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I wish you all the best in moving on~
Forgiving is so much easier said than done, isn’t it? But I applaud you! Not only is it difficult for the former spouses when there’s no forgiveness, but the children too. I wish you the very best as you move forward.