A Wildly Funny (and Totally True) Thing Happened on the Way to Yoga

Jeepers, what a crazy few months! I have so many heartwarming, intellectually stimulating, morally reassuring and devilishly funny stories to share. You see, after my last post on September 19th (where I wrapped up my road trip) I had the best of intentions to continue updating my blog regularly with all of the charming hijinks that Halifax living promised to provide. And then…

…I was having a lazy morning, drinking coffee and doing the crossword puzzle in the New York Times (maybe I was reading Buffy comics! Don’t judge me!) when I heard a strange sound out in the parking lot. I wandered out there in my bathrobe, and guess what I saw? That’s right! There was an intergalactic demolition crew getting ready to obliterate the planet. Fortunately my good friend Ford Prefect stopped by and we were able to hitch a ride on a Vogon ship seconds before Earth went kapluey. Let me tell you, time sure flies when you’re constantly avoiding death and madness in outer space!

No, wait. That wasn’t me. That was Arthur Dent. Oops. What I meant to say was…

…I was hanging out in the barn with Chance and Shadow when we realized our family had left without us! Clearly a horrible oversight, we took off across America, braving porcupines, bears, and torrent rivers to find our missing children.

Actually, I think that was Sassy from Homeward Bound. I always get us confused! My real story is…

…It was a blustery fall day and I was tramping happily through the crunchy leaves, mat tucked under my arm, on my way to a yoga class when, all of a sudden, ZOMBIE ATTACK! They were everywhere, moaning and groaning and trying to eat my brain! Fortunately I always keep my chainsaw wrapped up in my yoga mat, and was able to hack and slash my way to a 7-11 where I barricaded myself in with Woody Harrelson and Simon Pegg and Milla Jovovich and together we turned Halifax into a safe zone and ruled it as kings and queens with the help of our lion friend Aslan…

Okay, okay, so I have no excuse for my laziness, other than clearly watching waaay too much trashy television. Let’s just say that life has taken on a slightly slower pace than that of my road-trippy summer. Wonderful for me, but interesting blogging material it makes not.

Sorry, internet. I’ll be better. More interesting. I’ll find trouble. Then evade it. Then write about it.

And if that fails, I’ll come up with elaborate untruths to keep you entertained.

Like my fabulous weekend spent learning to tap dance with the cast of “Glee”. But that’s a story for another post.

Photo Credits

“Don’t Panic” by Jim Linwood

“Zombie Walk” by rumikel

This article was first published on Raggedy Threads in November 2010.