Go Team Me! – LIFE AS A HUMAN

When chatting with people I might sometimes tell them that I am a Dog Person. “Dog Person” identifies me as one of those humans who prefers my pets to be of the canine variety, instead of the feline ilk. In Canada, I assume that most people would immediately understand that. But I sometimes wonder if I were traveling in different parts of the world and were to proclaim my proclivity for dogs whether the locals would look at me askance and think I was telling them that part of my genetic makeup consists of canines? Or that I prefer romantic dalliances with Fido? Or worse yet, “Yummy, bring me some deep fried Chihuahua please.”

We humans love to belong to teams. “I belong to the Conservative Party.” “I’m a Vegan.” “I’m a Scientologist.” “I’m a Belieber.” “Oh yeah, well I’m a Liberal-Paleo-Agnostic-Buble aficionado, whose sole purpose in life is to learn how to speak with dolphins in their own language while trying to get a law passed stating that Canada will only allow Justin Bieber to claim to be a citizen if he donates all his money to our cause. We already have three members and are currently interviewing for the fourth. So there.”

Yes siree bub, we surely do love to belong somewhere, even if sometimes that means going against our morals and values. Take for example a case down in Team USA, where a group of high school boys who belonged to a winning football team drugged, and then raped a fourteen-year-old girl. And then posted it on social media and bragged about it. “Go Team Rape!” A rational person sitting miles away, surrounded by their own feel-good group, might shake their heads in disbelief and wonder, everyone couldn’t have been so intoxicated that they didn’t know what they were doing. There must have been one or two fellows who thought, “Whoa, this just ain’t right.”
I’m thinking that the probability was pretty high that a good number of those kids knew that they were stepping over a line while it was going on. I’m also betting that there are a few who regret their actions, even the ones who didn’t actually participate and were just bystanders. Wasn’t it Edmund Burke who once said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing”?

Not all Muslims strap on bombs and cheerily go off to blow up a bunch of innocent bystanders. Only the ones on the right team. Not all Christians take picket signs to funerals to spew their brand of hatred to the mourners. Only the ones on the right team. Not all Indians coerce poor innocent girls into a bus then rape and torture them to death. Only the ones on the right team.

Countries, towns, provinces, states, groups, bands, assemblies, sects, factions, units, cliques, gangs, clans, fraternities, networks, alliances, societies, troops, religions, companies, teams, sides, clubs, panels, parties, hordes, organizations, cabals, unions, institutes, corporations, outfits, governments, administrations, fiefdoms, associations, fellowships, dynasties, families, bloods, species…the list of our team choices can go on and on and on.

Salesmen are trained to mimic their clients so they can establish a connection and close the deal easier. “I’m from Sackville too! Wow what a coincidence.” “You have kids in soccer? So do I! Sign here.” “I didn’t know you were a Wiccan; my coven meets during the Samhain every year. I can get it for you in blue.” It is undeniable: homo sapiens is a herding species. Wherever we are we love to mill around in groups. Even our religions call their people flocks and sheep. “She’s not wearing the right hat. Let’s stone her to death. Baaaa.” This need to gather ensured our survival when we were more often the hunted than the hunter. Alone we were no match for the powerful jaws and sharp teeth of predators, but in a group, ah, then we are human – hear us roar.

But does it mean that because we evolved to be herding animals we must forever follow the crowd? Are we condemned indefinitely to be an Us Against Them society? I remember reading once that typically it only takes one person to object in order to break up a fight. The reason most bystanders don’t do it is that it takes buckets of courage to be that one person. Everyone is chanting “Fight, fight,” and even though they know it is wrong, most people will stand by and let it happen. Our upbringing, our instincts, our very genetics scream at us to take sides. Alone we are weak; as a group we are strong. If I say something will they turn on me?

Sadly, in some cases the answer is yes. Take for example Team Rape: the hacktivist from Anonymous, who outed the group, is facing a possible ten years in prison for breaking into Team Rape’s accounts and airing the names of those involved and pictures of the dastardly deed. I think that Team USA might want to re-evaluate the two crimes, seeing as the convicted rapists have already served their “slap on the wrist” sentences and are walking free. But seeing as I’m on the wrong team I don’t think my vote counts.

When I meet someone new and we get to talking, sometimes I will tell them that I am a Dog Person. Sometimes I tell them that I used to swim on a team, sometimes I tell them that I used to love playing fastball, sometimes I tell them that I used to work for a big corporation, and occasionally I tell them that my favourite thing in all the world these days is to spend time all by myself. That’s the one the gets the most raised eyebrows. Go Team Me!