Not everything reveals itself right away. Not everything arrives all at once. Like strength. Courage. Confidence. In my experience, these particular things didn’t become evident until I started making decisions from my heart instead of my head. Only in the fullness of time would I understand what it meant to love and trust myself in a way that would allow me to stand tall in this world.
That brings me to my posts here at Life As A Human.
I started writing for Life As A Human in 2014, two years after my husband took his life. The posts were guarded, but I didn’t know how to do it any other way. At the time I wasn’t ready to ‘go all in’.
In 2019 I made the decision to write a memoir called No One in Their Right Mind. In April of this year, 2026, it was published. I was ready to share my story. There have been many emotions through it all, and I suspect that will continue for some time. What a fantastic time of learning and growing it’s been!
Over the years, many people have commented on my posts here on Life As A Human, and that connection has always felt so meaningful to me. Lately, I’ve been hit with the realization that my inability to write fully, that by leaving some details out, might have verged on a sort of untruth. I began to wonder if, by not being specific enough and by dancing around the details, the vagueness may have caused people to draw conclusions that might not be exactly as things were.
I spent fifteen years with a narcissist. It wasn’t good. When he died I had mixed feelings. I was sad for him; sad for the little boy. I was sad for me and the little girl I didn’t protect. This wasn’t the beautiful love story I wish it could’ve been. It was a story of manipulation, abuse and betrayal. And in all honesty, after the difficulty of dealing with the suddenness of his departure and the complexity of what life was, there was a relief. A feeling of safety. Life on high alert had ended.
It could be that my tendency to be an over-thinker is having its way with me. But I just wanted to provide the clarity I couldn’t provide until now. And I also wanted to say thank you for all your comments on my posts at the time, the connection was everything.
To Gil Namur and Kerry Slavens, I need to say thank you for your kindness and generosity of spirit. None of this – my finding Life As A Human, the opportunity to contribute to the site, my memoir – would have been possible without you both.
‘Only in the fullness of time’. I’ve always loved this saying. Totally stolen from Gil.
Hugs, all xo
Photo Credit
Photo courtesy of Carol Good – all rights reserved
Recent Carol Good Articles:
- In The Fullness of Time
- No One in Their Right Mind
- Through a Grown Child's Eyes
- If Not Now, When?
- I Want to Fall in Love Again
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