I would consider myself a pretty private person. Don’t like to talk about myself really. I really didn’t like talking about my personal life, honestly because I thought no one really cares anyway, and because it gets sketchy. People didn’t know what to do with the information. Then after a while I would mold, and change things to “make them right” or “make them make sense”. Total dishonesty all around.
I’ve known for a while that this was wrong, and certainly not normal. But the more time goes on, I feel like I can be more honest and candid about it. I was taken advantage of. Abused. Alienating those who saw it. But I didn’t care. I thought I knew what I was getting into. I didn’t. A truly abusive relationship that tainted not only my life, but others as well.
Even to the end, the Stockholm Syndrome existed. But in all honesty, when she passed away, there was a sense of freedom. Freedom, but also feeling extremely lost. I think lately I have been finding myself, and also feel like as if life gave me a do over. At times I feel a sense of regret and guilt because my family was robbed of so much. I was robbed.
So here we are now, ready to un-bury what I have buried for YEARS. I am very fortunate to have a family that loves me, even now. I m so lucky to have found someone who truly is my soulmate and is so loving and encouraging. The road will be a long one, but as long as you start your way down that road, you’ll get to where you need or want to be.
Time to dig up what was buried, and bury what caused all the depression, anxiety, self hate, etc. Long overdue. I still do from time to time rather let sleeping dogs lie. But sleeping is the opposite of what needs to be done. We cannot live in denial or silence. We can’t. Time to get the shovel….
Current listen: Sleep Token – High Water
“For the time being
I will still avoid my own questions
And we both bury that history deep
But you know I can hold my breath forever”
Photos are by Joel Rosario – All Rights Reserved
Guest Author Bio
Just a human trying to deal in this mad world. Allow me to share random thoughts and observations about my life and the commonality we all share as humans. Through music, quotes, etc.
Website: Resound and Rebel