You know, there are times where I totally feel like I’m a kid stuck in adults body. I know people joke about how adulting is hard. There’s no doubt there, it can be. But my adulthood started WAY earlier than it should’ve.
I was 15 and had to live the life of an adult. Thrown into an adult situation… I could barely take care of myself. How was I supposed to have a family that I had to support?
I really can’t put the complete blame on others. I was ignorant enough to fall for it. I guess it’s a touchy grey area. On one hand I was groomed, and shown that I WAS grown up enough. I wasn’t. Forced to get a REAL job and put wants and dreams on hold. Giving away my adolescence and young adulthood. I never experienced things like a normal person growing up.
Maybe that’s why I have social issues. Why I don’t relate to most. At least I don’t think I do. Add that to the depression and anxiety. I truly feel like a lost child at times. A 15 year old, stuck in a 48 year old maltreated body. But that’s a whole ‘nother issue.
Damage has been done and I’m STILL trying to figure it out. When I said before after her death I felt free and lost, I meant it. I do have the love and support that I need, but it’s not easy. Living with all these regrets and what not. Dreams lost, goals not achieved. I’m told it’s never too late, but sometimes not too sure.
So here I am, a scared 15 year old stuck in a 48 year old body. On one hand an adult, doing adult things, trying to survive this insane world we live in now. On the other, a lost kid, trying to grow up in a field full of thorns, trying to smell the roses…
Current listen: Krizz Kaliko – Why Me
“Maybe I can ask her why the normality passed me by… Why when I’m a Titan…
Continue to breathe it dependent… on people to get… My mental state… Am I meant for this?”
Photos are by Joel Rosario – All Rights Reserved
Guest Author Bio
Just a human trying to deal in this mad world. Allow me to share random thoughts and observations about my life and the commonality we all share as humans. Through music, quotes, etc.
Website: Resound and Rebel