Online dating can simplify the process of finding a mate when you understand the basic psychology of the process. Choice, matching, and communication are the three keys. With a conscious use of these elements, you can achieve great success in online dating!
So Many Choices…
Online dating provides many more potential partners than you would usually meet in life. If you live in an isolated area or never get out aside from working this is especially helpful, as well as for those looking for partners of a particular orientation or lifestyle.
One of the important aspects of online dating is that this access to potential partners helps you cast a wide net. However, with so many choices it can become confusing. Sometimes it is too easy to get caught in a loop focusing on finding a perfect partner instead of developing a real relationship with someone you like, but who may not match your ideal.
When choosing your dates try to assess each possible partner as a real person rather than an object held up against a check list of perfection. None of us achieves perfection, but all of us deserve a shot at love.
While having a buffet of choices is a delight, beware of staying too long sampling the appetizers rather than moving on to the main course of dating. Use the narrow search features and look within certain locations, or choose just two features you really want in your match. If you’re working with a matching service present them with a ready-made list of your top desires. Don’t be general when you can be specific, but don’t be too picky either.
Make Me a Match!
Many dating websites offer quizzes and other forms of personality tests to match possible partners. Subjects such as political affiliation, religion, personality traits, and astrological sign are all used to assess a pair’s compatibility. These matches can be surprisingly smart if enough information is given to make a good assessment.
Matching isn’t perfect, but when each person on the site can view the answers given by potential mates it helps them confirm the match or decide it doesn’t work. Beyond that, few people update their information to get updated matches. If interests change but profiles remain the same the matching algorithm will no longer accurately reflect your current interests. You may lose out on great possible partners in the process as well.
Don’t go in expecting the matches to predict your dating future. You may be able to avoid falling for a person with completely different long-term goals thanks to the compatibility test, but you will still have to kiss some frogs before you find dating royalty.
And remember, your intuition is always the bottom line in this situation. Do you have a good feeling about this person? Don’t hesitate to say no thanks even when a quiz matches you 100%. The quiz is based on your answers, but your gut reaction matters just as much. It’s your love life, so own it!
Clear Communication is Key
After you make an initial match, you have multiple options for communication. Some sites have chat rooms, allowing people to converse without giving out personal email addresses. Some dating sites offer “ice breakers” and conversation starters for those who are too shy to figure out how to start chatting. This computer-aided communication keeps early interaction safe and simple.
The downside to digital communication is the lack of physical and verbal cues during interactions. When we aren’t in the same room with someone we lose the chance to observe subtle clues to their mood, their level of interest, and our mutual attraction. Saving that interaction for a later meeting (the first face-to-face date) means you spend time getting to know each other but don’t get to test your attraction for a bit.
Also, avoid writing extravagant initial emails for your first communication. These can be off-putting. If your goal is to eventually build a face-to-face relationship use online chatting to do some quick information exchange, just getting the basics, and then assess if you want to move forward. When you decide to go out, always remember to meet in public places and don’t give out personal information. Protect yourself and protect your heart.
Photo from pixabay public domain
Guest Author Bio
I am an online dating expert currently leading the blog for the dating website, Flirt.com. I have a degree in Psychology and the topics of interpersonal relationships, love and finding a partner are of high interest to me.