Are you kidding me? Seriously my eyes are 50% of what they used to be and my small motor skills, as in typing, are a joke to behold. To put it mildly it’s a bit of a challenge to be a writer / photographer these days, a magical mystery tour if you will. I’ve actually lost count of the number of little mini strokes that I have had; each one seems like another shot across the bow carrying information that I don’t understand so I continue to do what there is to do in front of me. I take the meds, I go to the docs, I have the conversations and then later as the end of day closes in I tell myself that the stuff going on in my mind is the same silly stuff that’s been going on for years. The fantasies where I am the hero of my own daydream. Somehow I will overcome all of the attacks by people as yet unknown and entirely made up. What’s been left out are the stories where I die a heroic death doing something noble for mankind because that’s a little too close to the bone. I need to remind myself on a regular basis to pay attention to what’s right in front of me and that fantasy, while it is a working tool for the writing I do and the pictures I take, is a very dangerous place for me to go alone.
I have marked progress by my ability to go to bed without worrying about waking up; it’s lately that I’ve been doing that pretty regularly. The damage to my back is slowly healing and while I have canceled all of my shooting assignments, I still pick up my camera every day to take a picture. I like to shoot in black and white because that’s how I see the world these days … in black and white and shades of gray. The picture above is a sunset. I like it. I like the split focus to the right hand of the frame. Nothing that I do in my work is easy any longer. It all requires my paying attention to the smallest detail of the work process and it requires that I have patience with my constant mistakes.
Typing is complex for me. I am dictating this piece and I hope it works. I need to be patient with myself and a universe that is more random than I ever knew. Generally, all I can do is stay steady and be aware of the kindness and compassion of my friends. I think of this piece as a Tarmac Meditation. I am still on the road, still doing what I set out to do. In the old hippie phrase, I’m keepin’ on keepin’ on. What else is there to do?
Photo Credit
Photo by Michael Lebowitz – All Rights Reserved
the writing ain’t easy as you rightly point out. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment- Readers make it worthwhile to get up before daylight to look for the words.
Michael
Your words each have the feeling of being pulled out, like thorns, with needle nosed piers, still a bit bloody when you lay them down. These paragraphs are too dense to be part of an essay. They are like meteorites, heat scared and dished with friction rather than square smooth bricks, part of a wall. They are really poems, and should be organized and presented as such, in my view.
Anyway, I urge you to get up every day and pick up the pliers and go to work. Bleed for us, brother.
Rick
Thank you Chris. I owe both you and Kerry a debt of gratitude which i can never repay in full for your support from the very beginning of this Journey of mine. And I probably owe you breakfast. All the best
Let us know when you are coming to town and we’ll have breakfast for sure, though you don’t have to pay, we appreciate you too Michael. And by the way I am running this Sunday in the Goodlife Victoria Marathon..the 8k…should be good.
Oh my Michael. I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. Such a tough thing for a runner, and an artist, never mind just being human. Your photography is deeply human and touching and I have no doubt you will pull through this trying period with yet more wisdom to share with us through your art. Thank you for hanging in there and sharing your journey.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Michael!
As someone who works with the infirm, the elderly and their caregivers,
I am deeply touched by your writing and your lovely photographs. May you
experience all the love coming your way from all of us in cyberspace
Carpe diem! Michael, you endow these words with new meaning and energy. Life is about attitude .. and you, my friend, are demonstrating the courage and strength to meet it every day in whatever way you can. Let the days number long and the vision be shared! Thank you.
Cheers,
Steve
I appreciate your comments, Eric thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Michael I love your images! I appreciate black and white in general – and yours are particularly evocative. Split focus lends a very ethereal air to things. I am hoping you can keep shooting as much as you can – just managing the camera must be cathartic and challenging at the same time. It’s a terrible experience to go through, as I have seen in my family.
I am wishing you lots of strength and continuing creativity.
Hang in there my friend, you are close to Denise and I in our hearts and never far from our minds.
much love to you both getting to be time again to meet on the trail.
Michael;
We are truly blessed that you share your story with us. What inspiration! I admire and honor you for finding the strength to carry on in your work and to keep a positive outlook, and how great that you recognize and value the victories as they happen!
For me reading your story helps me keep my head up with a smile, and reminds me that it is not our challenges that define us, but how we handle them!
Thank you and bless you Michael; we all share the road with you brother! Keep on truckin’!
Thank you Steve.
Marco, I appreciate your reading and commenting on the piece. Thank you.
Michael, I need to choose words to convey the depths your article touched and challenges me. And even though each word I choose reveals a new shade of understanding, it illuminates the shadow of my own perceived limitations as well. Not the physical ones you face with such perseverance and grace, but ones that make life as a human no less challenging. Still it’s the sharing of the path through your challenges that inspire me, letting me know that I am (we are) not alone and putting teeth in the encouragement of “Keep on keep’n on!”
Michael, I’ve always admired your perceptive writing and evocative photography. The fact that you are continuing to be so creative in the face of these health challenges is inspiring. Thanks so much for going ‘the extra mile’ to do this work and share it on Life As A Human.
Dear Michael,
As someone who works with individuals who have disabilities, I felt compelled to let you know how much I appreciate your writings and photographs. You are living proof that a person cannot be defined by their limitations. Not only have you survived your illness, but you have taken what you have been given and used it to reinvent yourself (I had no idea that black and white sunsets could be so lovely — thank you for this!). I look forward to continuing to read your insightful pieces and viewing your marvellous photographs.
Best Wishes,
Betty Reiter
This post was shared with me this dreary Monday morning. What an inspiration! Regardless of our challenges, real, perceived, tough or minor, we can all remind ourselves “on a regular basis to pay attention to what’s right in front of me.” The image is beautiful but what is truly lovely is that it took you so much effort. Thank you Michael and best wishes for you on your tough days – you seem to have the balance right.
Michael you have definitely proven yourself to be a warrior. I admire your courage and stamina. I so appreciate your photography and love your writing. Your actions are profound and a model for others. Michael, please take care of yourself, wishing you the best recovery.
Thank you,Janet
Dearest Michael, Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your journey. We can all learn from your strength, courage and determination to “keep on, keepin’ on”.
I also really appreciate the reminder to be patient with myself and keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when it isn’t easy.
And – hey! – who knew a black and white sunset could be so beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your view of the world!
Hi Michael,
My name is David, and I am a new member of the LAAH community. I was very touched by your story above and wanted to say ” Thank you” for putting it out there for the rest of us to not only appreciate your struggle, but also understand your courage and resolve to continually be true to who you are as a person, and as an artist.
I have a close family member who is in a similar position as you, and they also inspire me everyday with their incredible attitude (just like you) of keepin’ on – keepin’ on; thanks again for sharing your story and photo with the community – I know everyone appreciates it~! All my best to you~!
David
You are very kind David. All the best to you an your family
Michael, what a gift your words and images are to the virtual pages of Life As A Human. Your strength and spirit are forces to be reckoned with as well as inspire the rest of us.
Blessings to you, and keep on truckin’.
Thank you,Tess
What a beautiful post and photograph! You are an inspiration!
Mike, I admire you for your ability to handle this disability and to keep on soldiering. As a family doctor I see people simply give up when faced with the challenges that you currently are facing. Keep up the excellent articles and continue to be an inspiration for us all!
Micheal, what your eye captures.. my eye admires. I love your work, your photography and your writing.. Thank you for continuing to share and inspire. Big hug from me to you!
Colleen
Thank you
Dear MIchael,
It seems you have had a series of strokes but are slowly recovering. I wish I knew more specifics, but whatever is happening I send you love and healing thoughts. Always your friend, Judith
We’ll Talk:)
Dear Michael: Do keep on keepin’ on, especially with the writing, and we will keep on praying for your health and for the courage to make your journey. All the very best to you, Sir.
Thank you, Ross I have been a fan of yours for years hope to meet you one day soon
Back at you. Without LIfe as a human much of what I have been able to do would not have happened
I haven’t met you in person but hope to meet you someday in the future. In the meantime Life As A Human is a strong, supportive group – I send you all the love and light I can – Heather
Thank you Heatther!
Michael …
It is a privilege to have you at Life As A Human. Your courage and your attitude through all of this is an inspiration to us all.
I count myself blessed to call you friend. We are here for you Michael.
Thank you for this post. It will touch many hearts for a long time to come.
Hugs to you brother!
Your friend always …
Gil