Keening a daughter’s mental illness

I didn’t bring a bouquet of purple lilac
or dark chocolates:
Gift-wrapped with ribbon and
metallic silver bow.

Locked psychiatric ward:
Grey brown carpet.
And in room 23
music blares from boom box.
Vertical blinds, yellow sunshine.

The blank stare, stiff walk.
Shoulders, hunched.

My first-born daughter:
Melancholia —your world turned black.
Confusion, memory loss.
I cut your fingernails. Toenails.
Bring pajamas, toothpaste.
Arrange CD’s on a windowsill.
Your acoustic guitar.

Pink slips of paper, doctor’s report:
“Scarring sarcoidosis of the lungs.
Grand mal seizures.”

Uninvited to family events.

Anxiety and cognitive disorder.

Two daughters and one son.
Youth Court declaring:
“An unfit mother!
Sole custody for father.
Supervised visiting.”

A woman on public curatorship:
The blank stare, stiff walk.
Hunched shoulders.

I didn’t bring a pearl necklace,
the one I wore to your wedding.

Satin velvet jewellery box.

Photo Credit

Syringa – Wikipedia Creative Commons

Published in Ilona Martonfi’s second poetry book, Black Grass, (Broken Rules, 2012) and Vallum 7:2 (2010)

Guest Author Bio

Ilona Martonfi
Ilona Martonfi Author of two poetry books, Blue Poppy, (Coracle Press, 2009.) Black Grass, (Broken Rules Press 2012). Published in Vallum, Accenti, The Fiddlehead, Serai. Founder/producer of The Yellow Door and Visual Arts Centre Readings, co-founder of Lovers and Others. QWF 2010 Community Award.