The day my first child was born my life changed. I had no idea that becoming a mother would change my life, shake it to the core. I finally felt whole and happy. As cliché as it sounds, I was complete.
Four children and 13 years later I still feel blessed every single day.
Being a mother means I have four little perfect pieces of me running around in this world.
It has never been easy — this motherhood thing. It doesn’t come naturally and when I make a mistake it doesn’t just affect me, it ripples down to these little lives. My kids have been through a lot and the guilt I feel for the turmoil propels me forward. Makes me wake up in the morning and try my best to make every single day better.
I want them to look at me one day and feel like I am a good mother. That I loved them and did my very best. That I loved them more often than I was angry with them. That I laughed more than I yelled. That I was present more than distracted. That they were always my first priority. That they were never a burden.
I want them to look at me one day and think, ‘I want to be the kind of parent she was’.
I hope they don’t think too often about the hard times. The times I was depressed. The times I was in the hospital. The times their father was in a different house. Again.
I hope they learn that it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to feel down sometimes. That relationships are difficult and hard and wonderful. I hope they love. Love each other, love me, love someone else.
I hope they know, always, I love them in the deepest, happiest, hardest, heart-wrenching way.
Photo Credit
Photo courtesy of Jess Howard
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