How do I shift into faith when the fear that separates me from my faith is part of my childhood cellular memory, the very imprinting that makes me who I am?
This week, I had an “ah ha” moment in which I discovered that the answer to that question can be simple if I allow it to be so.
It’s simple to say, but much more difficult to live. The answer is that when we step into trust and into faith in ourselves and our Greater Power, we enter the circle of love. From that circle, we can accomplish anything because that is where the strongest of all faith resides. After all, that’s what faith is – the complete trust in something without any proof of its existence.
By allowing myself to love me enough to want to have faith in myself, I took my first step back into faith. It was that simple. As soon as I loved that little girl inside me, held her in my energetic arms and told her she was worthy and loved by God, my fear shifted. As I told her that my destiny was to survive and thrive, that she had indeed been protected by God and angels even in her darkest hours, more memories emerged.
I remember myself wrapped in the wings of angels, embraced in their love and a light that was far more powerful than the darkness of that cellar where my abusers kept me. You see, the angels did come to me; God did send help. I can feel them even as I write this, as though I were a baby bird held in a palm made of their softly loving wings. I was embraced by angels, comforted and loved. That is how I survived the torture and continued on to a successful life. My angels were always there for me.
God didn’t stop the horrors from happening again, because those horrors were part of my destiny — a destiny I’d agreed to before I ever entered this world. But God did send all the love and light I needed. As I remembered those angels’ embraces, I also remembered a dream I’ve had all my life, since I was a tiny child:
I’m in an amphitheater of golden and peach-coloured light. All around and above me are floating energy beings, surrounding me to the heights of the amphitheater. I can feel their love, their support and their guidance. In front of me is a golden flow of light — a light fall. I float into the fall and am embraced by its light. I spin and turn, revel in its power. As I play in that flow of energetic force, God embraces and teaches me. In that dream, in the place we all go when we sleep, away from our physical world and back to our energetic beginning, I am in God’s presence.
Recollections of that dream, as well as my safe bed in the angel’s wings, have reignited my faith. God does love me; I am worthy. I am perfect in his eyes and I am beloved.
And so, I am stepping forward in faith.
With Faith There is No Fear
As with all things in life, just as I touched upon my faith, God gave me a test of that faith.
I’ve had a lifelong desire to own a ranch, the place of my girlhood dreams where I can have my horses and live in the beauty of nature. The ranch of my dreams has heart-touching views, the perfect land for my ponies and a magical energy.
My plan was to find that ranch late next year or the following year. God decided to shift that plan.
My ranch showed up on my radar one day after a session with my shaman in which she shared God’s simple message to me: With Faith, there is no Fear.
Who says God /Universe/Source doesn’t have a sense of humor?
God put my dream right in my face, and my first reaction was to say, “I can’t possibly do that now. I’m not ready, it’s too soon, how can I possibly pull this off in this market?” Sigh. I was back to feeling unworthy again.
But the more I looked, the more I realized it is perfect. I recognized what I was doing to myself – how I was caught in that old engrained habit of fear and unworthiness — and I stepped into faith. I began to believe that I could indeed shift my timeline.
So I decided to call my mortgage broker. That’s when I found out I can’t apply for another loan in today’s constricted financial world. I only need the same loan I have today – no more — but I can’t even transfer that loan because I have a gap in my income records from a time period when I didn’t work as I was healing. My assets don’t matter – I can’t get a traditional loan. I could buy the ranch with cash – but that’s financially silly.
I was so devastated. But then an out-of-the-box thought hit me right between the doubt. What if I found private money? Hmmm. I know lots of people with lots of money. Surely someone would give me a loan for a year until I can qualify for a traditional loan.
Within 48 hours a private loan appeared —without a blip — from the first person to whom I mentioned my situation. A simple lunch conversation, a joke about the stupidity of my situation and then came the offer. Done, done and done. Now if that’s not a sign, what is?
God plopped my dream right in front of me as a test of my faith. It’s an extraordinary gift. I found my faith and moved further along my divine path and into my worthiness.
For 2011, my mantra is simple: I Step Forward in Faith.
I’ve already begun. We made the offer on the ranch this week. Wish me luck!
“An Angel in My Window” Denis Colette…! @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.