I couldn’t write a word in the last two weeks. I don’t know why or what was in the way; it just seemed so “useless and all” (Bob Dylan). I have struggled with disconnection my entire life: daydreaming, wandering in classrooms where I was meant to be paying attention, drugs and alcohol and an often conscious desire for a hard straight shot of oblivion, no ice no water.
On May 1 of this year I was fifteen years clean and sober.
During those years I have written as I always meant to, with some success. I found entirely by accident that I had an inclination for photo journalism. It became my life passion in the form of building a career as an ultra-endurance event photographer.
Several years ago I ran into an undiagnosed A-fib situation which resolved itself in a stroke, followed by two more events and a bout of congestive heart failure (scary shit that). Aside from the obvious challenges involved in aging, combined with a little bit of bad luck or timing, as the case may be, my ability to keep shooting the events that allowed me to make a living, and to be me, disappeared. My used-to-be caught up with me as a silent daily lament. I was a “good old wagon but Daddy, I done broke down,” an old song says.
So now what? I HAVE TO WRITE!! is an enormous amount of pressure on a compromised system. So I began to go to the gym and rebuild. Every now and then I take my camera and shoot what’s around me; the images that follow are what I have seen with a camera in my hands. The other day I shot a local race event. These daily non-race images are markers of recovery, small celebrations of being present, doing what it is that I can do with what I got – I think.
What do you think?
Image Credit
Photos by Michael Lebowitz. All rights reserved.
Carol Good says
I must agree with Gil, Michael…great photos. They’ve got ‘feeling’. It’s amazing to me how we can find something to cling to, something so very meaningful and positive, amidst our struggles. It’s such an important part of our ability to keep moving forward. Inspiring, for sure. Keep that camera within reach 🙂 Take care, Carol
Gil Namur says
What do I think?
I think the photos are great. But more than that, you have been and continue to be an inspiration Michael.
It’s a privilege to call you friend!
Cheers,
Gil
Michael Lebowitz says
Thank you, Gil- One foot in front of the other is all I know How to do-It keeps me out of my own way.