A friend of mine, who has been struggling to make a few key decisions in her life, said to me something like “I don’t want to live the rest of my life doing the same things.” But then she goes back to doing so, for now (that’s what we all think, for now).
Like my friend, I have done the “for now” return many times.
This returning doesn’t define either of us, but it does make me think that the mind is so desperate for things to be stable and predictable, even if it’s causing a crap load of suffering.
We aren’t patient enough to let things fall apart on their own accord. To do only what is necessary, and then get out of the way.
When Zen Master Shitou wrote of not wasting time, I think he was talking about everything extra.
The endless rounds of blather about making changes (soon).
The pressured effort to make things change (sooner).
The fussing over or fighting whatever is happening now.
People, myself included, seem to do everything in our power to resist liberation. It’s like we are addicted to punishing ourselves.
As if it’s not enough to experience the pain the first time around.
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