Today let’s talk about the kid inside us all.
Have you ever felt like a little kid in an adult world?
When I was in my mid 30s I began to realize that in many ways I was still functioning as a child, a carryover from growing up in an alcoholic household. Remember the movie Big, with Tom Hanks? I was in an adult body, but in many ways I was still 13 year old Josh Baskin, sitting in a dumpy motel room in New York City, scared to death. So I would be at a church retreat, surrounded by 60 or 70 single adults, but inside I remember feeling like the scared little kid, and wanting to go hide in the woods somewhere. It was an awful feeling, but I had to admit that to myself before I could begin to do anything about it.
Have you ever experienced anything like this?
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Image From – The Microsoft Office Clip Art Collection
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How can I not remember these times. I remember going to a girlfriends High School reunion and at the time I was a teacher and we were sitting with all of her succesful Lawyer and Doctor friends. I felt like a terribly dejected inside like I didnt amount to much. At that time in my life I was in better shape, handsome, and had the old HS cheerleader as a date, but inside I felt like a kid.
To this day I have times where I am at yearly coorporate events and everyone is hanging out mingling having cocktails before the awards dinner and I fell absolutely lost. I end up going to my hotel room and just watching TV for an hour becuase I feel like im not in my element. How sad as I really enjoy everyone, but in that setting I truly feel like a 12 year old kist hanging out with adults.
I know the feeling, Steven. I went to a reunion a while back and felt like a kid around people I had grown up with. I wrote about it here, and you might relate:
http://lifeasahuman.com/2011/feature/a-writer-revisits-high-school-part-one/
They talk in ACoA sometimes about that sense of “terminal uniqueness” – and your sharing reminds me that I’m not alone. I have been at corporate events and feeling lost, and yes, going back to my hotel room because I don’t feel like I fit in. That child part of me has explained so much in my life. My sponsor used to talk about how when a traumatic event happens, our ego gets frozen at that point. I’m either an 8 year old or a 14 year old if I feel unsafe, depending on the situation.
I’m really enjoying this interaction, Steven.