I recently turned 29 years of age and this by far has been the most beneficial and life lesson learning year that I can remember. I have recently made the decision and move to make more of my life and for once I have followed through with that notion. Trust me when I say that moving away from the reservation after 11 years was one of the hardest things for me to do. I had built a bond with that place that grips my heart and allows me to see all the beauty there, although there was so much of the negative swarming at times. The family and friends that I have lived amongst day in and day out for what I now refer to as the “growing pains” of my life have helped me build a remarkable foundation of love and support. Now just a mere hour and a half away, there is such a difference in lifestyle and expectation from not only myself but how I want my children to grow up.
I say “growing pains” because that’s what they have been. I have loved hard and felt the depths of what can happen when a heart is not just broken, but shattered. I rebuilt myself and pieced back together the fragments of my heart to the best of my ability with lots of encouragement from those that love me. I have endured the loss of loved ones very dear to me and mourned for them. I have created a stable, nurturing, progressive lifestyle for my children to be raised in and although I stumbled many times in my attempts and know I still will; I have placed them at the very top of my list to love, protect, cherish, and provide for to the best of my ability. I have found a strength that I never knew I possessed and have learned that no matter what life throws my way, I will find a path that helps me to overcome each obstacle and take the good from it.
I have met friends that have become family and acquaintances that have become friends. I have learned that we are not all able to see from the same view point and sometimes although it’s painful you have to count your losses. I have learned that old saying “sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is true and have dealt with heart wrenching tears and regret because of that. I am happy to say that I have once again discovered I am capable of anything I set my mind too, and that all of the things that are meant to be will happen effortlessly; which is gods little way of saying you’re on the right path. I have learned to find friendship in the one who hurt me the most. I have learned to be understanding, non-judgmental, positive, and full of hope, even when hope is all that I have left. But most of all I have learned that when someone entrusts you with their feelings, you take care of them as you would your own child.
Wake up each morning and tell yourself “I love you”, finding the ability to love oneself far surpasses any love you can receive from another. One last thing Ive learned, is to smile as much as humanly possible, it becomes infectious!
Photo from Wikimedia – Public Domain
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