Yesterday I stood around in a room full of people, in a city where I used to live. Many of of these folks I have known for all of my life and some of them for all of their lives. Family. It looked like the same party it has always been, a little smaller, a little quieter. There was someone missing. This ‘someone missing” will begin to happen more frequently. I walked home to my friends’ house, people I have known for many years, folks who stuck with me through the very bad times. I said I was happy to have a place to come to, a way back into the circle. We ate dinner and laughed with their grown up kids, and after awhile we went to bed. Imagine, I thought as I lay down drifting, that there is a heaven, that “it’s easy if you try” and so it was. I said a prayer for the living, raised an imaginary toast to the dead, let sleep come find me and carry me into today.
Some days are longer than others. Yesterday was one. I heard the ancient verses, “walk through the valley of death”, “raise my eyes to mountain tops”, like they were brand new; a chill went through me and if you are me, you hold it tight, keep it close until the wee hours before sunrise, when the wolves and demons of my night dreams have fled, when the sun is almost up and the new day and everything that is good and right is there for the accepting if I am only willing to surrender to it.
Photo is © Michael Lebowitz – All Rights Reserved