Two years ago my friend, Nicole, took her own life. How do I feel about that? Annoyed! Not angry, just annoyed. Annoyed that she did not find a way out of that situation. Annoyed she wasted her life. She was an intelligent woman. Even if she wasn’t happy with her own life she could have used her energies to help others. Annoyed with myself for not doing more to reach out. You see I knew things weren’t right because her eyes had lost their twinkle. The eyes always tell it all- the windows to the soul as it is often said. Unfortunately, I was so consumed in my own problems I didn’t focus enough on hers. I can understand that she was probably exhausted from trying to change her life, disillusioned and lonely so I guess that’s why I’m not angry. That same year, 5 other people in my web of life committed suicide, friends of friends, friends of work colleagues and people my children knew. Why do we use words like committed and took to describe a suicide? We never say she killed herself because she thought her life sucked. But that what it comes down to – thoughts. And many of us have had those thoughts – including me.
I think of Nicole a lot. Unfortunately, our friendship had gone AWOL for many years. A recent reunion had given me hope for a renewed friendship but it wasn’t to be. In hindsight, it was more like a goodbye. I guess from all tragic events we try to find good. For me it’s to try to have a productive life with meaning. Even though I can’t change the world in leaps and bounds I can make little positive difference for friends, my children or even a stranger. I can live an ethical life.
Finally, for those contemplating suicide- it’s not the solution. You may be exhausted and had enough but suicide does not solve problems it creates new ones. You may end up in a wheelchair, be plugged into machines, cause lifelong distress to love ones. Your life is worthwhile and meaningful and you can make a difference. You were meant to read this article. SO CHANGE YOUR MIND TODAY!
Note from Life As A Human
If you or someone you know may be contemplating suicide, there are many free resources you can contact to find understanding people you can talk to anonymously:
In the US – National Suicide Prevention Hotline
In Canada — Centre for Suicide Prevention
In Australia — Suicide.org
The Scream by Edvard Munch – Public Domain