What happens when a disorganized, spontaneous woman marries an organized, meticulous man?
By Debarati Deb
If I have to describe myself in few words, it will be impetuous, all thumbs, and an ambivert. In my school days, my friends always told me they could never imagine me as a refined woman who could take care of a family. To think of me as a homemaker was more of a nightmare for them. Well, now I am a homemaker, and they are definitely surprised (pleasantly, I hope). I married my boyfriend of three years. When he comes home and I tell him that I broke another glass, or that I lost the receipt of a payment we made recently, he just smiles (or at least tries to depending on the severity of the damage). He always says,” I knew what I was getting into when I married you.”
Yes, that’s me, and I must say that God really loves me. I don’t think there’s a single man apart from my husband who could live with a woman like me — a woman who brings variety to life in the form of shocks.
My expedition never seems to end. It is said that marriage often mellows a person. I’m sure it was said before I was born. If anything, marriage seems to have opened doors and windows for the world to see the clown in me along with my other characteristic traits.
My husband is a planned, organized and a meticulous person. Until we got married, he never lost a single piece of paper. In the present day, he no longer has the transcripts that laud him for his academic achievements.
I am sure he regrets the day he gave me his transcripts for safekeeping. I was in one of my cleaning sprees. After he left for work, my sole focus was on removing the last speck of dirt and dust from our apartment. I forgot about the important envelope that lay squat on the kitchen counter top. Few days later when he asked me for it, I was at a loss for words. I searched everywhere but couldn’t find the envelope. When I told him, he looked at me with an all-knowing expression and asked if I had not thrown it away. His comment revived my memory and brought a faint glimpse of the envelope in the trash can. But it was too late. The trash was gone, forever. I remembered then that while clearing the counter top, I had torn an empty envelope into half and dumped it in the trash bag! My wandering mind failed to recollect an important information — the transcripts that were inside the “not empty” envelope.
My husband was very upset for a while, but he didn’t say anything to me. Today he just laughs about it, and teases me whenever he gets the opportunity. As for me, I am ashamed of my carelessness. I have finally learned a lesson. At least I want to think so because the frequency of loosing papers has definitely reduced.
My husband says that I make up for all the goof-ups by loving him, by understanding him, and by giving him the space he needs when he is upset. Honestly, I feel that ours is an 80-20 relationship with his contribution being on the higher scale. The most important thing that I have learned from him is forgiveness, and the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes.
I was always impatient and jumped to conclusions very easily. I try now not to be judgmental. If things don’t work the way I feel they should, or that if a person acts against my perception of what is right, I try to put myself in his/her situation and think about the course of action. Therefore, even if I don’t agree with what the person has done, I don’t scorn him/her.
This has particularly helped me in my relationship with my in-laws. Initially, I felt that my independence was threatened by them. This brought out the rebel in me and made me stubborn. However, it did nothing to help the situation. I learned the hard way, but I did learn. Moreover, I owe whatever improvement has come in me to my husband. He is my strength and my support, and I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful human being.
About Debarati Deb
My best form of expression is writing. It is my passion and writing gives me a sense of achievement. At this point in life, I am a homemaker blessed with a wonderful husband and an adorable pug. I am striving towards making my passion a reality. I am trying to reach people’s hearts with my words.
The image is from our wedding album. We own the rights to it. Copyright: Debarati Deb
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