I often hear people say about Kate Middleton, future Queen, “Well, good luck to her, but I wouldn’t want to put up with all that protocol.” There is no accounting for the stupidity of the plebs. Think about it.
1. You would never have to keep a drawer full of grey cotton knickers because you made a mistake in the washing and you can’t afford to replace them at the moment.
2. Ditto bras.
3. You could have all your bras made to fit perfectly.
4. You could have all matching sets of undies instead of ones for “best”.
5. You could keep all your favourite clothes because you would have tons of cupboard space.
6. None of your clothes would smell of mothballs.
7. You would always be able to find stockings or tights with no runs.
8. You wouldn’t have to wear Lycra T-shirts to make ironing easier.
9. You wouldn’t have to iron.
10. You wouldn’t ever have to clean your shoes or your husband’s.
11. You wouldn’t have to clean the house, the dog’s mess, the baby’s bum.
12. You wouldn’t have to wash the nappies.
13. You wouldn’t have to sit around in your dressing gown feeling tired because you couldn’t cope with the kids and the cooking and cleaning.
14. You wouldn’t have to walk the dog
15. You wouldn’t have to cook meals or even plan them.
16. You wouldn’t have to go to the supermarket again.
17. Your food would always be fresh and of the best quality.
18. You would drink only the best wines and not have to choose between CAVA and Veuve Cliquot when you invited friends around.
19. You could take umpteen travel bags on holidays without being charged extra.
20. You wouldn’t even have to carry them or even pack and unpack.
21. You can ask to have Harrod’s department store all to yourself to do your Christmas shopping in private.
22. You can get free tickets to every exhibition you ever wanted to see, go to all the best shows, get tickets for the ballet and best opera performances.
23. You can meet all the best people.
24. You get a handsome prince as a husband.
25. You can have as many houses as you want – all decorated for you.
26. You would never have to get rid of books or records when you moved house.
27. You wouldn’t have to wonder who to leave your Grannie’s chamber-pot to because it would be in a museum collection.
28. You could buy the latest technology as soon as Apple or Google produced it.
29. You could have your mobile phone made to your own specification so you couldn’t be traced.
30. Your hairdresser would come to you.
31. You won’t have to shop till you drop.
32. You will be able to return an item without having to have the bill.
33. You won’t have a cowboy plumber.
34. Your heating will be repaired instantly.
35. Your electricity will never be cut off.
36. Your car will always start (it will probably be warmed up for you).
37. Your car will never break down ( difficult as it will have to be a British car).
38. Y our children will go to the best schools and you won’t have to drive them.
39. You won’t have to put the rubbish out.
40. You will never have to wear dentures.
Mind you, I can see that having Elisabeth Regina as a mother-in-law might be a bit daunting, but there isn’t a mother-in-law who isn’t so it’s a small price to pay.