Is there really any point to marriage in Hollywood?
All right, guys. Ever since I started reading Us Weekly (and I honor its title by religiously reading it weekly), I’ve been under the impression that there had to be some sort of conspiracy theory to explain why nearly every single Hollywood couple divorces.
As if I needed any more proof that I am in fact correct, let’s take inventory of the latest couples to move to Celebrity Splitsville.
Courtney Cox and David Arquette
This piece of news? Didn’t surprise me in the least, and I’m going to be brutally honest as to why: she’s hot, older and more successful. This rarely ever ends well. Of course they shared one thing in common, and that’s Coco (not Chanel, but rather…their child). But this match never seemed like it would work, and look at that! It didn’t.
Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman
In all seriousness (or, at least as serious as a story about celebrity divorces can be), this one kind of bummed me out. After all her dirrrrrty antics, Christina finally found love in a nice “commoner,” and a Jewish commoner at that! Perfection. They even gave their son (Max) a normal person name. It all appeared to be sunny skies, rainbows and latkes. Until it wasn’t. If I had to predict, I’d say that Christina is on her way to a Britney-esque breakdown, whereupon she will change her name back to Xtina, wear those infamous chaps and not wash her hair (or herself) for at least a week.
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker
If these two stayed together, I would’ve eaten my hat. A little equation, if you will: famous athlete + sexy woman = infidelity. Ms. Longoria’s also the older one (hi, Court!). Tony, meet your new BFFs, Kobe and Tiger. I’m sure the three of you (plus all your ladies of the night) will be very happy together.
Forgive my angry, pessimistic tone, but guess what? I’m angry and pessimistic but I’m also confused as to why anyone in Hollywood even bothers to get married anymore.
So, who’s next? I’m taking bets, and I’m putting my money on Kendra and Hank Baskett. Trust me. Or, since we’ve never met, trust the above equation.
Have any thoughts on marriages — and divorces — in Hollywood?
“Courtenay Cox and David Arquette” The Daily Stab
“Christina Aquilera and Jordan Bratman” Zimbio.com
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker” BackseatCuddler.com
Did you enjoy this article?
Please let the author know by leaving them a comment below!
And, subscribe to our free weekly digest!
Simply add your email below. A confirmation email will be sent to you.