What happens when you have a problem with God. Not the idea of God, but the word itself?
Do you ever notice that we can get hung up on the strangest things? A color that we strongly dislike? A certain style of clothing we won’t wear? Types of music to which we won’t listen?
My suspicion is that somewhere along the line we had a bad experience with something related to that “thing” we push so hard against. Something about that “thing” reminds us of the negative — and we push.
My thing was God. Not God in the form of source, universe, or an all-powerful loving spirit that connects us all. I totally believe in that — I know that I am a spiritual being, empowered to create my life. My issue was with the word “God.” I experienced the biggest “push against” in my lifetime whenever I heard the word “God”.
I always told myself it was because I was raised in an environment where “God” was associated with a highly structured religion — one that in my perspective was more worried about rules and discriminating against other religions than it was about faith and living a spiritual life.
Recently I’ve learned it went far deeper than that. As many of you have read, I’ve been working with a shaman who is a God-based healer. In our every session, she calls on God. She also calls on the Universe, Allah, Buddha, Angels and more — but that God word is always present.
At first it was really hard for me, but then I relaxed, accepted her use of the word God, and trusted it. That’s when I had a huge revelation. It wasn’t because of my childhood upbringing that I pushed so hard against the word God. It was because a piece of me believed God abandoned me all those years ago, alone in my horrors with my father and grandmother.
Buried deeply inside my subconscious was a very old truth. A relative truth, but still my truth. I called for God to save me — and he didn’t. Over and over and over again.
In my childhood brain, I began to believe that God had abandoned me. And so I stopped trusting in God. At least that God who I was taught about as a child. I evolved my beliefs to include all forms of spirit — but never to include the word “God.”
I stopped trusting God — the word. By pushing against that tiny little word I held myself back from healing.
I’ll share more on that in my next post.
“God Is…” DarwinBell @ Flickr.com. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Did you enjoy this article?
Please let the author know by leaving them a comment below!
And, subscribe to our free weekly digest!
Simply add your email below. A confirmation email will be sent to you.